The Haku Show
by Hu Edith
Summary: What if the YuYu Hakusho characters were radio talk show hosts?


The Haku Show

**Audio Clip #1**

Hosts:_  
Kuwabara  
Urameshi_

Subjects:  
_Hiei  
Video game  
Kittens  
Hugs  
Kuwabara's pain_

**Remove from files. Insert tape. Push play. Listen.**

"Okay, so once upon a time there was a Hiei. Really! He's this half thing, half person, half demon, half brother, half buddy, full on pyro and sword maniac and zero cuddly guy. Well, maybe he is a cuddly guy, but don't ask me to witness that because hell if that'd scare the shit right out of me!"

"Urameshi, there's no way Hiei's a cuddly guy. That shrimp has serious anger issues. Don't you remember the time he wanted to literally kill off the competition so no one would argue we were the rightful group? Let me tell you listeners, when your on a boat in the middle of freaking no where, that's not a crazy dude you want to be on there with! Shorty definitely had no friends growing up."

"Naw, just a tough childhood. Not that _you'd _know Kuwabara. In that aspect of things, you are clueless, a real dunderhead not to notice."

"HEY!"

"Forgetting Kuwabara's ignorance... Yo! That's my word of today and I've used it now! Crap... What was I talking about? All I remember is Kuwabara being an idiot which is a pretty easy thing to remember..."

"Har har, funny Urameshi. You brought up the shrimp."

"Oh yes! Now I remember why I brought Hiei up! After what he pulled yesterday!"

"That crazy stunt!?! I can still smell the burned metal!!"

"At least it wasn't your house! I just got enough money to buy that damned thing! So listeners, you know how I'd always complain about having to walk and spend all my coins at an arcade? Well, after working in this little office with the idiot over here--"

"HEY! That's insulting!"

"--I collected my paycheck--"

"I actually passed my classes, unlike you Urameshi!"

"--And went and bought myself that brand new gaming system."

"Not to mention I went to high school _and _graduated! You didn't even attend hi--"

"Blah, blah, blah Kuwabara. Who cares?"

"I care! Most of society cares!"

"Yeah, well I don't give a flying shit."

"_That's_ obvious..."

"Done? Okay, good. So listeners, after buying myself that brand new gaming system, I invited over a couple of buddies to play. Hiei, toddler butt know why, was there for whatever reason."

"Kurama was there. He gave that message to Kurama from Yomi."

"Oh right. Hiei had made a remark some time ago, about not caring for video games. I think he'd never played them before and that was his cover up. It's his cover up for not doing most shit with the rest of us. I told you he is not a cuddly guy."

"Damn right. He's more like a freaking porcupine... Not that his hair helps that comparison."

"Love to see you say that to his face."

"WHAT?!"

"Half of my next paycheck?"

"I ain't _that _fucking stupid Urameshi!"

"Whole paycheck?"

"I'm holding you to that. So are the listeners now."

"Ha. So the rest of us pressure Hiei into playing this video game with us. It didn't take as long as we thought because it allowed Hiei to kill humans. I think the winning point was the baddie of the game resembled Kuwabara here quite a bit."

"I'm still not sure if I'm that happy about that being shorty's reason on playing. On one hand, it looked like me. But he's always hated me. So on the other hand, he wasn't trying to kill me but video game me..."

"He'd probably kill you quick enough if you truly pissed him off. Judging by your last visit to the temple, that could be fairly soon."

"Wait, when I went up to see Yukina this weekend? Why would that really piss Hiei off to kill me?"

"Yeah, so Hiei was trying to kill Kuwabara here. But he was having trouble with the baddie, given he was pushing and trying as many button combos he could, pretty frustrating. Kuwabara never seems to stay down. Real or video game version. Well, Hiei discovered how to win against the video game. He pulled out his freaking sword, that maniac! And he slashed the gaming console into little bits before burning my brand new gaming system!"

"The shrimp really enjoys his sword and fire a bit too much if you ask me Urameshi. Damn right wrong how much he likes those."

"My brand new gaming system!"

"Burning metal."

"Still stinking up the house!"

"Not my house. I'm not visiting again until that smell is gone."

"My brand new gaming system!"

"I'm sure Kurama can guilt him into some money to pay you back. Kurama's got to have some sort of freaky powers to deal with the shrimp so well."

"I'll leave it to Kurama. There is no way I'm facing Hiei after he triumphed over the video game."

"After that evil smirk on his face as he eyed the smoked remains and informed it that he won? That would be a no shit Urameshi."

"Let me see you deal with a not so cuddly Hiei! That remark he made contained something about puppies and hugs, didn't it? Kittens are close enough to puppies, don't you think?"

"I AM NOT GIVING MY KITTEN TO THE VIOLENT SHRIMP! HE'D MURDER MY PRECIOUS LITTLE KITTEN! AND WHO IN THE HELL WOULD WANT TO HUG HIM??!!"

"...His sister?"

"Even more reason for her not to hug him, she grew up with him and knows exactly what he's capable of."

"I'm still trying to figure that one out. Which is why I'm paying you to tell him the porcupine thing."

"..."

"..."

"Listeners, we have Back On, Flow, and some Dir en grey starting up the next half hour. After that, I will be back with the Entertainment Splashes of the Day."

"Huh? That's mine to say."

"But you won't be able to say anything in thirty minutes, so I'll be fulfilling that duty of yours today.

"Heh. Such an idiot Kuwabara, wanting more pain. Don't worry folks! I'll be back in half an hour with your Entertainment Splashes of the Day, just like any other day."

"You're going down Urameshi!"

**Push stop. Eject tape. File away. Search for another.**


End file.
